The Crazy Dog Lady

How to be a crazy dog lady in 3 simple steps.

1) Get a dog
2) Get a second dog
3) Get above mentioned dogs tattooed on your thigh wearing hats and a monocle with one smoking a cigar
Transformation complete!!

We were never aloud a dog growing up. My parents always worked full time and there were no dog walkers or doggy day care back in them days. It’s relative a newish concept and if I’m honest I’m not sure why it’s not always been a big huge thing!! After owning a shop for dogs people pay a fortune on their dogs!!! Some spend more money on the dogs than they do on the their kids!!! Some money to be made there kids….

I’m going to be honest I didn’t want a dog. I really, really didn’t want one. The other adult I lived at the time however, did. I knew they were hard work and took a lot of effort. (I wanted a cat again they looked after themselves) However I had a problem, I lacked the ability to say no (I’m a recovering people pleaser) so I caved and we got Thor.

Fast forward 2 years from getting Thor and the adult I lived with wanted a second dog. Let’s just say his previous work commitments had stopped him from being involved with Thor as a pup so he wanted a new shiny one. And again I didn’t want a second one, However my inability to say no reared it’s ugly head again and I caved and we got Loki. Fast forward 1 more year and and now I’m a single dog mum. Yay me!! I finally said no to something…. 😂🙈

Thor and Loki are brothers, well half brothers, like actual Thor and Loki. Hence Loki’s name. And just like the god of mischief he’s a little shit. He’s a cute little shit though. And he does the best puppy dog eyes especially when he’s been a particularly massive shit and wrecked something. For while kept on going missing off the kitchen table and the sides, I thought it was going a little mad and moving stuff absentmindedly, which I often do. One day I came Home and all my Christmas decorations that I’d left on the table were all over the floor so I watched the cctv camera I have in there and witnessed the little bugger jumping onto the kitchen table and chucking stuff on the floor for Thor and him to eat and play with!!! FFS!!!!

Thor is the total opposite of Loki, he’s chilled out and poised and like his namesake he is the protector. Ok sure, he hasn’t got an aggressive bone in his body, (I think if I were ever attacked on a walk he’d join in thinking it was a game or lick them to death) and he’s scared of people in hats, bails of hay and limes but he does have a really loud bark. So that counts for something, right?

I love my dogs and I wouldn’t change them at all. Well actually that’s a lie, I’d change the mud everywhere and the fact Loki sheds when you look at him and Thor’s ability to find something dead and smelly and roll in it but I’m good with everything else. Oh wait and the drool, I’d love it if they didn’t drool!!! Also For dogs that are suppose to be clever I do wonder sometimes. On saying that they did manage to send me a birthday card this year so they can’t be all that daft….

Living on my own I find myself having conversations with the boys and chatting to them about what’s gone on, what’s on my mind and ask them questions like they actually know what I’m saying!!! which isn’t too bad in the confines of your own house but when you’re walking them and chatting to them you can look a bit like a raving loony and it tends to be one sided. I know I’m not the only one that does this even if no one else will admit it!!! These two are the only ones that know all of my secrets and Unless someone invents a machine like the one Doug wears in Up they’ll say safe and secret!!

Reasons I think dogs are like kids:

They fight each other, they want what the other one has, they compete for my attention (Loki is a needy little sod), they need feeding a lot, they do things that only you think are funny and others just think you’re odd, you never really get a lie in and they moan if you don’t play

Reasons why dogs are not like kids:

You can lock them in the kitchen/crate and leave them unsupervised when you go out (there are rules about doing that with kids) you can put them in the boot of your car and they’re still happy when you open it (again there are rules against doing this to humans), you can call them a dickhead or any other affectionate swear name without fear of them telling someone and you can swear and they won’t repeat it!

Best thing about owning a dog

How happy they are to see you Every. Single. Time. I can leave the room for 3 mins and it’s like I’ve been gone for days when they see me again. They love you unconditionally and without hesitation. When you get home from work and it’s been the shitest day imaginable and you see those two wagging their whole back end and dancing on the spot with the sock you’ve not been able to find or a random screwdriver they’ve found from somewhere you can’t help but smile and it all goes away.