Not my reflection

Standing in front of the mirror, I don’t recognise who I see, I’m looking closely at the reflection, I see it, but it’s not me.

You tell me what to wear, You tell me how to be, You tell me what I should feel, You tell me, how to be me. You make me doubt my choices, You make me feel small, You make me second guess myself, Do you even care at all?

You treat me like a child, like I need another mother, it’s like you don’t trust me, I’m feeling so smothered. You unscrupulously twist everything that I do or say. And guilt me with emotions to make sure that Ill stay.

You put all these rules in place to try and keep me here. The truth of it is you’re loosing me, and for me it’s becoming clear.

I’ve started to see your manipulation, I’m getting wise to your rules. I’m starting to see the control you have and just how much you’ll loose.

If I decide to walk away from this I know you’ll put up a fight, it won’t be because you’ll miss me or love me though, it’s because you’ll know I’m right.

We both know You don’t want me here, it’s evident, it’s clear. The trouble is you don’t want to loose this lifestyle or for anyone else to want me, my dear.

I know you know I’m onto you, so you’ve upped your game. Constantly checking in with me playing silly mind games.

Making me feel guilty for when I want to speak. Do you see you’re faltering, can you see you’re weak?

I’m the reason we have this life, I’m the one that’s worked hard. Do You think some how you’re entitled to this, because that reasoning is flawed.

Standing in front of the mirror, I’m just biding my time. Until I have to strength to say “fuck you and your rules, This refection, its fucking mine!”