So the “this is what you should do now you’re single” brigade has been out in full force again recently! I know people mean well when they start saying stuff like “you’ll find someone one day” or “you’ve just not met the right person yet” no shit Sherlock because if either of those two things were correct I wouldn’t be cuddled up under two duvets trying to keep warm on a freezing cold night. I’d have a second body to heat my ice cold feet up on and backward snuggle! (Can’t be doing front facing sleeping cuddles I only need my feet to stay warm not melt the rest of me!)
So…..there are lots of articles I keep seeing on Facebook about 10 things you should do when your single/have a broken heart/under 30/before your 25 etc etc etc. All suggest something like “number 5 is a must do…..” all are total bollocks if you ask me. I read one the other day that was about several reasons it’s ok to hate your ex… I’ll give you one…. he’s a ducking gobshite. End of article. Simples. You don’t have to like your ex’s. They’re ex’s for a reason.
Another was about 10 things girls who have been hurt think about love. One of them was girls who have been hurt before don’t believe in love. Bollocks. I’ve been hurt several times before and I still believe in it. I’m weary of opening up to people but I still believe that one day someone will love me like I love them. I have a grown up view on it now. For example I’m doubtful Prince Charming will search high and low for me to see if a shoe fits that I lost on a night out. Because let’s face if if you loose your shoe just before midnight you’re pissed you’re not Cinderella!!! (And I’m more likely to get the beast finding me than a Prince) What I do believe is that I’ll find someone who wants the same things as me (that’s a good life which involves holidays, nights out, eating out, laughing a lot and very good sex) and we’ll fall in love. Not some big huge Disney fairytale love but a you’re-my-best-mate-I-fancy-the arse-off-you-and-want-to-do-things-with-you kind of love. (Not sure where or how though given I work 50+ hours a week in a predominantly female based work place, small minor detail I guess)
These articles seems to write a lot about narcissistic men and how to spot them!! Apparently there are a lot around and if you read all of theses articles you’ll be able to spot one after only 2 dates. Bollocks. Some people are just selfish tossers. Males and females. It’s not only blokes that are gobshites. Sometimes women play games the same as the men!! it’s not just blokes who are emotionally abusive to their partners. Women do it to! We just seem to get away with it more either I’m not sure if this is due to men’s pride or they’re just not onto our secret super power yet….I wonder if there are articles about how men can spot a manipulative woman….
If you’re lucky enough to have never had to break up with someone or had the heart ache of them doing it to you I envy you. That must be lovely. To know the person you chose and who chose you you both got it right first time. To be fair though I wouldn’t be me now if I hadn’t of gone through the upset I’ve been through. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, emotionally abused, controlled and generally treated not so great by people who I thought loved me. I’ve managed to get out of all of those though. I remember once thinking “I don’t think I want this but I have no idea to be on my own” so I stayed for a bit longer. Turns out The longer you’re with someone and the more intertwined your lives become and it ends up seeming like an impossible task to walk away. Even though in your heart you know it’s over, that there’s no going back. You just keep that bit to yourself and you just try to keep going in the situation you’re in. There is no worse feeling than living in your own house and feeling like you don’t belong. And nothing lonelier than going to bed next to someone who you aren’t in love with anymore but care for and don’t want to hurt. Even if they are a twat.
Some people have to go through several relationships heart aches and marriages before they find their one. There are so many people I know of that got with their other half in their 20s and had kids and 15-20 years later they’re with someone else. And conversely there are people I know that 15-20 years later they’re still as in love with their person as they were when they first started. Some people are meant to be and some unfortunately aren’t.
I read these articles and I wonder who takes them totally seriously? It worries me that these things are there telling people what they should and shouldn’t do. Lists of 10 things you should be doing. And that’s the word I don’t like; should. It’s as bad as the word just. It makes people feel guilty if they don’t feel that way. Makes them feel like they aren’t quite right or that their feelings are wrong. Bollocks. They’re your feelings. No one can tell you how to feel or how you should be feeling in any given situation. If they are telling you what they think you should do it can make you feel guilty or like a failure because you don’t. You are not them. You are you!!! They might have a different view point of stuff and it’s not fair to impose this on you.
“You should be grateful I’ve done this”
“Why cant you just be like this…”
“you should want to do this”
“You should be happy we’re doing this”
“You should want to be here”
All not helpful if you don’t feel that way. I know. I’ve been there. Makes you feel really shit your viewpoint isn’t the same. And makes you feel like a shitty human for not feeling like they do. So out of guilt you stay. In a situation you’re unhappy in because the other person is telling you that you should be.
I’ve had an adult lifetime of being told what I should do, how I should feel, how I should look. These articles telling me I should travel or I should date or I should try this or I must do this before I’m 35/40 are bollocks. I’ll be doing what I want when I want to. It’s the Beauty of living on your own; do I want to get dressed? Nope. Do I want to tidy my house today. Nope. Do I want to go and do grown up things like shopping etc. Nope. Do I want to eat a whole packet of party rings for my breakfast. Yip. Do I want to dance around my house in my underwear singing totally out of tune. Yip. Do I want to sit on the floor with my dogs and do fuck all but play with them all day and laugh. Yip. Do I want to read article about 35 red flags your relationship is over? Nope….. Erm actually, wait, number 21 is that they’ve moved out…..oooo interesting I think they’re onto something with this one…..