My Bumble to Tinder

WHY are you single?

Why ARE you single?

Why are YOU single?

Why are you SINGLE?

No matter which way it’s asked it still doesn’t sound great. It’s my least favourite questions I’m asked the most. That and the statement “you’ll find it when you least expect it…” sorry was my eye roll to loud

IDK Susan maybe it’s because I was brave enough to leave an unhappy relationship. Maybe it’s because I’d rather be on my own than in a lonely loveless/sexless relationship. Or Maybe because there’s something wrong with me and I’m broken beyond repair and no one will ever love me. I just don’t know Susan. I just don’t fucking know!!!

Actually I do know why. It’s because pretty much everyone is a prick. And should know I’ve learnt the hard way. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, manipulated and stolen from. Honestly Jeremy Kyle could air a months worth of shows with all the stuff that’s happened to me. Least if I went on there I’d have all my own teeth.

One problem I have is my head is not the same as other females. I mainly work on Male type thinking not female type thinking. Which is great in some regards and not in others.

Saying that though I’ve still not totally given up I’ve been using technology to try and find someone…. yeah that’s not quite worked.

Tinder- an app for people who don’t want a relationship but just want someone to Netflix and chill with. All men wipe right on this. I have accidentally superliked (I still don’t know what that it is) so many people on this because I’m so busy swiping left to remove their faces from my screen!!!

Bumble – it’s like tinder but the people are actually better quality looking humans. Less naked gym selfies on here. Still swiping left and right but the twist is the girl has 24 hours to respond to the match and the boy/girl then has 24 hours to respond back. Problem with this app for someone like me (attention span of dory) is you forget you’ve been on it.

These apps are no good when you’re out drunk btw. Beer goggles are worse on here than in real life!!!

**(not so) Top tip when you’re out reduce your search radius on the app. All the the singles you ever could want to swipe right on all their in your pocket**

There are others but honestly I can’t be arsed with them. I genuinely would rather be on my own than have to interact with some of these people. I miss the days of going out with you mates and getting chatted up at a bar. Doesn’t happen now at my age. Everyone my age or older that I meet (in real life, not in the land of the apps) is either taken or gay.

I’ve been on a few dates over the last 12 months all of which were first dates and no second ones…. let me tell you about some of them and see if you’d of gone on a second date…

Person 1) heard all about how much the other person earned and how rich they were and how much everything costs to buy…..

Person 2) felt like an interview

Person 3) talked about sex. All evening. Literally ever 3rd sentence he managed to shoe horn some sex reference in there. He even asked me if I’d like a real life dick pic….my answer was no.

Person 4) kept sticking his finger in and near my mouth thinking he was being funny. I did warn him to stop or I’d bite it. I wasn’t finding it funny. He didn’t stop and stuck his finger in my mouth (while it was closed) So I bit it. He then scratched my face.

Person 5) I didn’t fancy going where they suggested after the place we’d eaten so I told him. He lost his shit with me and told me I was being patronising and then tried to guilt trip me into going there.

Person 6) went well this person has had a second and 3rd date. I like this person. We get on well. Same age. Similar backgrounds. Works bat shit crazy hours like me too. Makes me laugh.

Sometimes you do wonder though when your single and everyone around you seems happy and settled what’s wrong with you. Why are you on your own? Why when you give everything to someone is that not good enough? Why do they still do what they do? Why do people just take and take and don’t give anything back? It’s rubbish. It feels shit.

I know there are apps and websites that will “scientifically match” you to someone based on your mutual likes and dislikes. I just don’t fancy it all. If it means I’m my own for the next few years or forever I’d rather that.

I’ve been unhappy in relationships. I’ve Sat there thinking I had no idea how I was going to get away from it. Looking at the person next to me thinking that it’s to difficult because of the history, to complicated because of the money and how would I manage on my own. To scared to leave so for ease I stayed for longer than I was meant to. Sacrificing my own happiness to have an easy life. Turns out living a lie isn’t easy. Living in a house where you can’t be yourself or express how you feel because the other person doesn’t agree or feeling lonely and invisible around someone you live with is rubbish.

So, Susan the answer to your question is that I’m single because I want to be. Yes, it’s true all I want it someone to love me as much as I love them. For them to give as much as I do. For them to be my best friend and me to be theirs. For them to want me in their lives and want to do things with me. Until that magical mythical creature arrives in my life there’s an app for the gap…..

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